Silencing the Inner Critic
I did this thing today that made me feel awful. It was just an accident, but at the same time my inner critic was LOUD. I was working at the Art store because it is my week off the Gallery and doing the open, putting out the easels as I usually do. One of the easels was in an unexpected place and as I was trying to extricate it, it hooked onto the Acrylic Ink stand and well, the rest belongs to the “GREAT INKSIDENT OF 2026” as one of the owners, Fraser dubbed it. Ink was everywhere, on the floor, on other products, on the wall, on my shoes. I was distraught about how much money I was actually costing a small local business by what I had just done.
The Great Inksident of 2026
I do this same train of thought when I start an artwork or I screw up an artwork. It’s a nasty streak of perfectionism that leads to this inner critic being really mean. And here is the thing, I would never think or say things about or to anyone that are even half as mean or critical. And I would never allow anyone to say things to me that are as nasty as what I tell myself. So why do I think it is ok to do that? I know a lot of artists whose thoughts run the same way. Perfectionism gets in the way of doing, the inner critic is allowed to silence their art before it even gets to have a chance to say anything. And that sucks.
I was watching a Tik Tok actually where this girl said she gave her inner voice a man’s name and whenever it started up she would say, “Shut the fuck up Brad, what do you know anyway?” It made me laugh so hard at the time, but I was thinking about it later, and I thought you know what? I once drew my inner critics for my psychologist, but I never named them so they were never really real. So, guess what? I named my Inner Critics (I have two) and at first I thought it was stupid and it wouldn’t work, but I have to say this Barbara and Roger have never been so silent, since the moment I started talking back to them and telling them to shut the fuck up.
Today the conversation went like this:
Barbara: Oh my, you are terrible. Look at this awful mess you made you incompetent little twat.
Me: Shut the fuck up Barbara. Why are you such a bitch? An accident doesn’t make you incompetent, it is just an accident.
And then Barbara gasped and clutched her pearls and pursed up her tight little lips and I poked my tongue out at her.
And this…
Roger: Oh look at you. Surrounded by people helping you like you can’t help yourself. You know they are going to talk and laugh about how badly you handled this situation later right? And how they think you shouldn’t work here. They will all see what a little imposter you are.
Me: Oh for FUCK’S SAKE ROGER, piss off will you? I do NOT have time for you today. What do you know about other people? You aren’t in THEIR minds, only mine and based on past performance, you are terrible at reading other people. So take YOUR opinion and fuck right off.
And then Roger looked like he was going to say some more with his apoplectic red face and beady little eyes, but I looked at him like he had nothing of any worth left to say to me and yet I was wondering why he still had the audacity to stand in my presence and so said loudly at him, “NO THANK YOU!” and stared him down until he walked away.
I have had similar conversations when I have gone to start an artwork and Barbara, Roger or both at once, decide they want to interfere in that process. There is sneering. There is meanness. But I refuse to cower to it anymore. I find myself exasperated at these two. What is the point of their little existence and why did I will them into my psyche? And the truth is, if I can will them in, I can will them out again. I don’t want to live with people that suck the joy and momentum from my life especially when they are in my own mind. Because it’s like this, my artwork is my own. It matters not at all what anyone else thinks. The key questions are:
AM I HAPPY WITH IT?
AM I PROUD OF IT?
DOES IT SAY WHAT I NEED IT TO SAY? IF NOT, WHY NOT?
HAVE I DONE THIS TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY?
WHAT DID I LEARN?
And Barbara and Roger NEVER ask those questions.
They just sit there and criticise and criticism that is only meant to debilitate, not elevate and motivate is not allowed here anymore. So as ridiculous as it seems, I can recommend naming your inner critic and telling them where they can take themselves until they learn to behave in a manner that you deserve.